dear diary

Today while I was redecorating Grammie's bedroom, loud words were made at me. It maked me feel all way sad. So I went into the living room and pouted.
Grammie camed out of her bedroom (which looked all way better with the baby powder all over the floor and the purrfume laying under the bed) and joined me. She started crocheting a kitty kozy. I watched and a'cided that the loud words she made at me were all done and forgotten 'bout. I wanted to help her so I stepped into her silly string bag and did a fine turtle. She couldn't get the silly string out with me in it so I was hoping she'd have to give me a treat from the bottomless drawer of goodies. No such luck. I stood up and put mine paws on her. A lot.
She said more loud words at me but I ignored them. Surely she must have been joking. But no. She picked up the newspaper and maked swishy noises with it. I ignored them. Pretended to be hard of hearing things... I maked my eye things go deep into her soul...and thought for SURE she'd hafta give me a treat. No. Instead, she hit my bum-bum. She hit it so hard my back leg fell off. It's still on the floor...I can see it from here.