Forgive me my beans for I have put the bite upon your possessions.
At first I thought the wood on the arm of the leather chair would be tasty. Indeed it was. But alas, I was wrong to have put the bite on it. Perhaps that is why you made it leave the house so rapidly. And as for the incident last week in the backyard...I didn't know I was unleashed. I thought you were walking with me Momma. That's why I walked down the ramp and ran up into the back by the neighbor's yard. The robin in the forsythia bush was just asking for it. I can't help it. It's my inner puma. But I understand that I scared that robin and you a'cause I was not on my leash. It won't happen again.
The shredded bensi box was also some of my teethywork. Sitting and sleeping in it just wasn't enough for me. I had to put the bite on it numerous times. Leaving the scraps there on the floor was my idea. Forgive me Gramma. I made a mess on the carpet.
Those little orange things that you stick in your ears at night, Auntie Deb, were far to tempting for me. I had to taste them as well. Aside from the delicious taste, they also make a great toy. But again, I was in the wrong to think that you'd want to stick an orange, cat-sucked ear plug into your ear at night.
And finally. Momma, this was the worst crime of all. Forgiveness is only the beginning of what I ask of you. That less-than-a-week old air mattress was far to much fun to just sleep on. I'm oh so sorry you ended up on the floor, nearly suffocating yourself, with your arms completely numb at 4:57 in the morning. It wasn't my plan to deflate the entire mattress...just to put my mark on it. How was I to know when I put the bite on it that it was slowly leak air the whole night? I do deserve the water gun for this. I know.
But please Momma, remember, while you are squirting me that I love you. I love you despite the punishment.
your humbled poodin, Timothy Dickens